Three types of conflict and how to resolve them

Conflict is inevitable in both personal and professional relationships. Whether you are negotiating a business deal, managing a team or simply trying to resolve a disagreement with a colleague, understanding the root cause of the conflict is the first step towards a solution. Most conflicts can be categorized into three main types, each requiring different approaches to be resolved effectively.

1. Position-based conflicts: the battle of wills

Positional conflicts arise when parties have different 'wants' or demands. These are the easiest conflicts to identify as they are usually explicit and tangible. Think of wage negotiations, contractual terms or disputes over resource allocation.

Example: Two departments competing for the same budget allocation, each presenting their arguments as to why they need these funds.

Resolution strategy: Although position-based conflicts are often the easiest to resolve, they still require careful navigation. The key is to look beyond the stated positions to understand the underlying interests. Instead of focusing on what each party wants, explore why they want it. This approach opens up for creative solutions that can satisfy the core needs of both parties rather than forcing a zero-sum compromise.

Start by asking questions like: "What would it mean for you to get this budget allocation?" or "What issues are driving this request?" Once you understand the interests behind the positions, you can often find win-win solutions that neither party initially considered.

2. Relationship-based conflict: when personalities clash

Relationship-based conflicts stem from differences in personality, communication styles, work preferences or interpersonal dynamics. These conflicts feel more personal because they involve how people interact and relate to each other.

Example: A detail-oriented team member who prefers thorough planning clashes with a colleague who thrives on spontaneity and quick decisions.

Resolution strategy: These conflicts are more challenging because they involve personal identity and working styles. The tendency is to take criticism personally, which can quickly escalate tensions.

The basis for resolving relationship-based conflicts is emotional intelligence. Start by managing your own emotional reactions - take time to calm down before addressing the problem. Show genuine curiosity about your counterpart's perspective rather than immediately defending your own approach.

Avoid accusatory language like "You always do..." or "You never do..." Instead, use statements that focus on impact: "When deadlines change frequently, it becomes difficult for me to plan effectively. Could we discuss how we balance flexibility with planning needs?"

Active listening is crucial here. When people feel heard and understood, they are more likely to reciprocate with openness and empathy, creating a positive cycle that can change relationship dynamics.

3. Values-based conflicts: the deepest divisions

Values-based conflicts are the most complex and emotionally charged. They arise from fundamental differences in beliefs, ethics, principles or worldviews. These may involve disagreements over work-life balance, ethics or organizational culture to name a few examples.

Practical example: Consider a workplace scenario where one team member believes that working long hours shows commitment and dedication to the company, while another values strict work-life boundaries and considers efficiency during regular hours more important than attendance time. The first person might consider leaving at 5pm as a lack of commitment, while the second sees staying late as poor time management or unhealthy behavior.

This conflict goes deeper than schedule preferences - it touches on core beliefs about success, professionalism, family priorities and what it means to be a good employee.

Resolution strategy: Values-based conflicts may never be fully 'resolved' in the traditional sense, and perhaps they should not be. Different values are not necessarily right or wrong - they are different perspectives shaped by life experiences, cultural background and personal priorities.

The aim is not to change anyone's values but to find ways to work together despite differences:

Avoid demonization: It is easy to see people with different values as somehow fundamentally flawed or misguided. Resist this impulse. Instead, approach the conversation with genuine curiosity about how they developed their perspective.

Explore common ground: Even when values seem incompatible, there are often shared underlying principles. In the work-life balance example, both parties likely value doing good work and contributing to the success of the team - they just have different ideas about how to achieve this.

Focus on the big picture: what are you really trying to achieve together? Can you find ways to honor both perspectives while moving towards your common goals? Perhaps the solution involves flexible arrangements that allow both the 'presence' person and the 'boundary' person to contribute in ways that align with their values.

Seek understanding, not agreement: The goal is mutual understanding and respect, not conversion. You can work effectively with someone whose values differ from yours when you understand their perspective and they understand yours.

‍

The way forward: The art of navigating conflict

Successful conflict resolution starts with proper diagnosis. Before jumping into solutions, take the time to identify the type of conflict you are dealing with. This understanding will guide your approach and set realistic expectations for results.

Remember that conflicts often involve elements of all three types. A budget dispute (position-based) may be complicated by communication style differences (relationship-based) and underlying beliefs about fairness in resource allocation (value-based). Address each layer appropriately.

The most important skill in conflict resolution is not having the right answers - it's asking the right questions and creating space for genuine dialog. When people feel heard and respected, even the most challenging conflicts become opportunities for deeper understanding and stronger relationships.

Conflict does not have to be destructive. When approached with the right attitude and tools, they can be a catalyst for innovation, stronger relationships and better outcomes for all involved.

‍